I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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