We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
