I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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