i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
