i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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