Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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