WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
