I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im six kinds of drunk right now
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
