I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
