Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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