I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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