What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
