i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
