i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
