Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
