Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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