Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
