What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
