I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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