No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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