We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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