I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
