WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
