flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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