Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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