oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
