Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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