Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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