its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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