he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
