one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
