Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
