This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize