we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
