I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
