I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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