she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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