if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
