also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Are we still banned from the library?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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