I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you had me at cake vodka
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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