Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize