Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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