She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
