Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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