Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
