I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize