Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
