Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
