Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
