where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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