Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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