If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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