there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
