I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
