you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
