five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
