his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize