when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
