he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
