I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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