my shit smells like andre
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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