Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
