don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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