I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
we're so committed to being not committed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
