If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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