Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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